Saved and Single…
by: Tameka Moment
Singleness is this weird thing that everyone wants but nobody wants at the same time. We want the freedom but not the loneliness. It has its ups and downs, highs and lows. Ladies, do you try to be holy and grounded, keeping your mind on Christ, and still open to marriage, knowing you desire this type of relationship? I do!
One day I was having a conversation with some friends after a church event, and one of them told me that she was “looking for a spouse but not looking at the same time.” She made it seem like it wasn’t ok to put yourself out there or make known that you are available for pursuit. That triggered me. I have been a saved, celibate, single woman for eight years now. Saved by God, celibate by grace, but not single by choice.
So I packed up my purse and my emotions and stuffed them in the front seat as I left the church parking lot. I couldn’t even make it home before the words started pouring out of me. I was frustrated! I didn't want to feel ashamed for putting myself out to see and be seen by brothers in Christ who desire marriage. I mean, it worked for Ruth. The whole “single scene” is frustrating.
It seems that everyone has the idea that there is one perfect way to be courted. He sees me (because “I wasn't even looking for a spouse”), asks me out on a date and then the proposal happens three months later. That's not been my reality and it may not be yours either, sis.
AND THAT’S OK!
I hear it said that if I work on certain things, I will “save my marriage from a lot of grief” or “I must be completely healed, completely whole, completely satisfied and completely content while I am single, before God will bless me with marriage.”
I do believe this is helpful and godly advice but it can also be burdensome. Yes, I want to work on my communication skills and heal from past traumas. Of course, I want to enjoy my current season of singleness to the fullest without sinning against God. But this advice is burdensome because each person has their own idea about what I should work on. This only adds fuel to a fire of thoughts that constantly say, “Nobody wants you, Meka. You have too many issues and you’ll never get it right.” Where do I find freedom?
Marriage is not a reward for good behavior or a rescue from the woes of life. Marriage is a blessing. There will always be a time where I need to grow and be more like Christ, but is complete healing and wholeness a condition for marriage? If so, why would I need to be sanctified? Why would I need to be washed by the water of the word?( Ephesians 5:25-27)
Our New covenant under Christ comes with a condition of belief. Belief is a product of the completed work of God (John 6:44). God isn’t waiting on me to figure it out, instead he is giving me an opportunity to be a part of his plan which he set in motion before creation. I will walk in the finished work of Christ and the unconditional covenant of grace and truth.
Am I always happy with my current relationship status? Not at all! Sure, I love being able to walk in the purpose and plan of the Lord. I love being able to move and adjust my life freely. But, I still get sad sometimes and I still desire marriage. Contentment while single does not mean these feelings and thoughts are supposed to be gone. Happiness and sadness are situational, circumstantial and fleeting. Contentment is from the Lord, it's miraculous and a divine intervention that can't be explained.
I am no longer living a life enslaved to the desire of marriage. Instead, I am living a life with true joy and peace that only comes through Christ Jesus which surpasses all understanding. I will no longer be bound by the weight of trying to fix me. But where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17), so I will use my freedom in Christ to wait well and to have a thriving, vulnerable and honest relationship with God and with others as God’s will is being done.