A Challenge to Miss Independent
A Challenge to Miss Independent
by: Alex Geisler
One of my husband’s favorite stories about me as a child is when I was learning to tie my shoes. As my parents tell it, after learning about knotting the bunny ears, I insisted on practicing on my own. If anyone offered (or even looked like offering) help, I would loudly and boldly proclaim, “I can do it by myself!”
Why does my husband like that story? “It’s just so you!” It turns out that stubborn little girl became a grown woman who gravitates towards self-sufficiency, aka trying to meet all my own needs without help from anyone. Sometimes this self-sufficiency seems funny, like when I insist on carrying the heaviest groceries in one trip, just to prove I can (which I can). But most often, it’s a dangerous lie that I tell myself when I want to believe I don’t need others.
Why is self-sufficiency so dangerous? Because even one moment spent thinking we can do anything on our own, is a moment spent thinking we don’t need God. This is the same God who puts breath in our lungs each day. The same God who holds all of the universe together in its beautiful, delicate balance. The same God who created the winds and the waves, and can command them to act as He pleases. Do we really want to say that there is a moment we don’t need THIS God?
How do we know self-sufficiency is a lie? Because the master Creator who formed each of us did not design us to be able to thrive on our own, even when we would like to. In fact, self-sufficiency goes against our nature. The Bible tells us that God created us in the image of himself (Genesis 1:26-27), for himself (1 Peter 2:9), in order to glorify himself (Isaiah 43:7). Everything about who we are and why we are is wrapped up in who He is, and we cannot do anything without Him. As one of my favorite Psalms says,
Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. – Psalm 127:1-2
And before we think God wants us to operate just ourselves and God, He reminds us all throughout scripture of our need for each other too. As He is three persons (Father, Son, and Spirit) in one God, God formed his creations to be inherently relational. In the garden, we saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone, so God created Eve. When Jesus revealed himself to the disciples, he tasked them to go into the world in order to form relationships with others and share the good news of the Gospel. Paul describes each believer as a body part who is dependent on and permanently connected to the rest of the body, our brothers and sisters in Christ.
The truth is that my heart knows my self-sufficiency is a dangerous lie, and one I don’t even believe. How do I know? Without fail, my heart melts each time I sing the words to the famous hymn, I Need Thee Every Hour:
“I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.
I need Thee, oh, I need Thee
Every hour I need Thee;
Oh, bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.”
No matter who you are, or what you think you can achieve, your heart will always need and groan for the Lord. We can try to convince ourselves we can do everything, and yet we experience a deep sense of longing for the rest that comes from not needing to be in control.
To get really real for a minute, sometimes this self-sufficiency comes from a place of sadness and pain. If you grew up in an unstable environment where things like food, housing, clothing, or money weren’t guaranteed, self-sufficiency might be the way you learned to make it in the world. Even if you had the physical resources you needed, maybe you were always left wanting for unconditional love, support, or understanding from those closest to you. Either way, these perpetual disappointments can grow a lack of trust in others to supply what you most need. When others can’t or won’t be enough, we feel like we have to be enough for ourselves.
Praise God that He has provided one who never can and never will disappoint us – Jesus Christ, God with us. The same God who puts breath in our lungs, holds the universe together, and calms the winds and the waves is also the same God who came to earth as a human in order to take the punishment we deserve for our self-sufficiency.
All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. – Isaiah 53:6
Sister, even when we daily pretend like we don’t need him and go our own way, his sacrifice remains true. It is only in him that we have the rest, security, and love we crave. May we not be women who are self-sufficient, but those that know and daily meditate on our deep dependence on Christ.
